Post by emmarudd on Nov 12, 2005 18:11:20 GMT
This article was published on Thursday 10 November!!
PSYCHIC? ACORAH MUST THINK WE'VE BEEN AT THE SPIRITS!!
Gobby continuity announcers. Loud adverts. Coldplay background music. Thick football pundits. Any show with "swap" in the title.
There's a lot of stuff on telly its very easy to dislike.
But nothing gets my goat quite like the psychic smarm-buckets who've taken over the outer reaches of our TV universe.
A fact which brings us to Living TV. And its star turn. The phenomenon who calls himself Derek Acorah.
A "sprirtualist medium" is Derek. A man who undeniably looks like Andy Bell out of Erasure and has many close friends in the afterlife.
Though none close enough to tell him he's too old for hair highlights and ear studs.
But no matter. Because if you haven't seen Pakorah (a name easier to swallow) in action, then an explanation is in order.
Guided by his 2000 year old Ethiopian spirit friend Sam, former Liverpool footballer Derek possessess powers which could collectively be defined as - horse crap.
Psychometry, divination, channelling. Gifts that to the untrained eye, look remarkably like guesswork, lying and repeating stuff he's just read off the internet.
However.
Suspend your disbelief for a second.
As, worldly or unworldly, these "gifts" produced remarkable results on Living's quest for Guy Fawkes.
A two hour TV attempt to make contact with the gunpowder plotter's spirit.
And a journey that saw Derek beaming with sincerity as he finally got through to "the other side" and revealed Guy Fawkes to be ... "a motivated man with a beard."
But not just that. His prison cell was also "a small place" and when they chopped his goolies off at his execution Guy Fawkes felt - no s*** - "anger" and "unhappiness"
As i said. Remarkable.
Though you could be forgiven for missing the real feebleness of Derek's spiritual insights because of the deranged performance that accompanied it. Much of this act involved the usual conman's tricks, flattery, repitition, misdirection, etc.
However, as the spirits allegedly took hold he also began twitching, looked constipated, went into spasms, squeezed one out, regained consciousness. And finally started barking like a feckin' mad man channelling his own reviews.
"It may sound crazy," said Derek, sounding crazy. "But i've got this stench surrounding my whole psychic body."
Not crazy, Derek. Very plausible.
And also laughable.
Or it would be, if this wasn't 2005 and his medieval mumbo-jumbo wasn't swallowed whole by thousands of vunerable, lonely people every week.
A few of these, of course , are also naive fools who'd believe Dot Cotton's arse had launched a first strike nuclear assault on Tehran if you told them anically enough.
But whatever the exact audience combination, they've bought Derek his Southport mansion (you dont think these gifts come free do you?) and made Living TV a success.
And because multi-channel TV has no conscience, that success means the psychic pox is spreading.
Already we have psychic channels, psychic pets and psychic detectives. And it'll go mainstream now, cos frauds like Derek can keep peddling this compost until the cows come home.
Mind you, last time i saw him channelling away madly on QFGF, Derek was outside the Tower of London complaining that: "my head feels like it's being squashed for some reason."
So i can't pretend my own psychic messages weren't getting through to him.
Makes for an interesting read i thought!
Emma xx
PSYCHIC? ACORAH MUST THINK WE'VE BEEN AT THE SPIRITS!!
Gobby continuity announcers. Loud adverts. Coldplay background music. Thick football pundits. Any show with "swap" in the title.
There's a lot of stuff on telly its very easy to dislike.
But nothing gets my goat quite like the psychic smarm-buckets who've taken over the outer reaches of our TV universe.
A fact which brings us to Living TV. And its star turn. The phenomenon who calls himself Derek Acorah.
A "sprirtualist medium" is Derek. A man who undeniably looks like Andy Bell out of Erasure and has many close friends in the afterlife.
Though none close enough to tell him he's too old for hair highlights and ear studs.
But no matter. Because if you haven't seen Pakorah (a name easier to swallow) in action, then an explanation is in order.
Guided by his 2000 year old Ethiopian spirit friend Sam, former Liverpool footballer Derek possessess powers which could collectively be defined as - horse crap.
Psychometry, divination, channelling. Gifts that to the untrained eye, look remarkably like guesswork, lying and repeating stuff he's just read off the internet.
However.
Suspend your disbelief for a second.
As, worldly or unworldly, these "gifts" produced remarkable results on Living's quest for Guy Fawkes.
A two hour TV attempt to make contact with the gunpowder plotter's spirit.
And a journey that saw Derek beaming with sincerity as he finally got through to "the other side" and revealed Guy Fawkes to be ... "a motivated man with a beard."
But not just that. His prison cell was also "a small place" and when they chopped his goolies off at his execution Guy Fawkes felt - no s*** - "anger" and "unhappiness"
As i said. Remarkable.
Though you could be forgiven for missing the real feebleness of Derek's spiritual insights because of the deranged performance that accompanied it. Much of this act involved the usual conman's tricks, flattery, repitition, misdirection, etc.
However, as the spirits allegedly took hold he also began twitching, looked constipated, went into spasms, squeezed one out, regained consciousness. And finally started barking like a feckin' mad man channelling his own reviews.
"It may sound crazy," said Derek, sounding crazy. "But i've got this stench surrounding my whole psychic body."
Not crazy, Derek. Very plausible.
And also laughable.
Or it would be, if this wasn't 2005 and his medieval mumbo-jumbo wasn't swallowed whole by thousands of vunerable, lonely people every week.
A few of these, of course , are also naive fools who'd believe Dot Cotton's arse had launched a first strike nuclear assault on Tehran if you told them anically enough.
But whatever the exact audience combination, they've bought Derek his Southport mansion (you dont think these gifts come free do you?) and made Living TV a success.
And because multi-channel TV has no conscience, that success means the psychic pox is spreading.
Already we have psychic channels, psychic pets and psychic detectives. And it'll go mainstream now, cos frauds like Derek can keep peddling this compost until the cows come home.
Mind you, last time i saw him channelling away madly on QFGF, Derek was outside the Tower of London complaining that: "my head feels like it's being squashed for some reason."
So i can't pretend my own psychic messages weren't getting through to him.
Makes for an interesting read i thought!
Emma xx