|
Post by Lisa-Marie on Aug 7, 2005 13:09:29 GMT
|
|
|
Post by Lisa-Marie on Aug 7, 2005 13:10:22 GMT
Your Own Big Brother!
Day 1 - dave admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of lisa. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, jackie is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Phil later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.
2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Ian creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. catzzzz hits him with a spoon.
3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of derby gaol out of Chocolate. After much persuasion by Ian, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.
4 - Training for the derby gaol task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Phil, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the Chocolate. catzzzz is furious.
5 - Today is the day when the derby gaol task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Phil farts and blows derby gaol over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. lisa cries.
6 - Ian gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.
7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, lisa admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a spoon. dave says he never wears condoms because they make his willy sore and Ian agrees. jackie goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. Phil sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Ian.
8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. dave goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. catzzzz and lisa are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for dave.
9 - catzzzz and lisa are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. jackie sings them a song - hay baby - to make them feel better.
10 - The public vote lisa out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. lisa leaves.
11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with lisa's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. jackie has to make do without the cucumber she requested. catzzzz is visibly depressed and is comforted by Ian, who tries to touch her on her boobies.
12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of Ian touching catzzzz's boobies over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.
13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Phil refuses to run because his willy hurts a bit.
14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Phil finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. catzzzz calls Phil a lazy willy.
15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. dave tells everyone individually that he thinks catzzzz is a sleeper. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. catzzzz and Ian are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for dave.
16 - The nominations are announced. catzzzz can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. Ian is equally stunned and turns to catzzzz for comfort. Phil is distraught and confesses to jackie that he thinks he is in love with Ian. jackie says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know
17 - The public vote Ian out of the house. catzzzz says she is gutted and even gives Ian a clipping of hair from her boobies to prove how much she cares. Phil is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Ian leaves.
18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of catzzzz clipping the hair from her boobies. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.
19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of cyprus in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.
20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of cyprus sounds like but Phil says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose dave as the one who must complete the task.
21 - dave successfully burps not only the National Anthem of cyprus but also God Save The Queen, hay baby and the theme tune to Big brother. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.
22 - Nominations are due and dave tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Phil and jackie are nominated.
23 - Phil and jackie take their nominations well and sit down with dave and catzzzz to discuss why they voted for them. dave keeps quiet but catzzzz accuses Phil of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred willy before bursting into tears.
24 - The public vote jackie out of the house and nobody really gives a shit. jackie leaves.
25 - dave becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of dave's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.
26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of elephant dung using only a spoon. dave is unsure but Phil is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.
27 - Completely out of the blue, Phil breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the elephant incident from his childhood. catzzzz tries to persuade him to stay but dave sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Phil decides to leave.
28 - With only two housemates remaining, the elephant dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by catzzzz from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.
29 - Nominations are due for the final time. dave asks catzzzz to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly dave nominates catzzzz to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does catzzzz.
30 - When the nomination is announced, catzzzz graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that dave is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. dave takes his £70,000 and runs away to cyprus. Nobody, including catzzzz, ever sees him again
|
|
|
Post by Lisa-Marie on Aug 7, 2005 13:22:22 GMT
... class......love day 6.. ... so random..lol
|
|
catzzzz
Full Member
The Smallest Feline is a Masterpiece -- Leonado Da Vinci
Posts: 1,173
|
Post by catzzzz on Aug 7, 2005 13:34:48 GMT
BRILL!!!!!!!!!! I love it love it love it!!!!
OMG i hit Ian with a sthingy? is that a "Made up word"
Thanx lisa xxxxx
|
|
|
Post by Lisa-Marie on Aug 7, 2005 13:37:10 GMT
Its supposed to be s p o o n ... but the middle is rude so its deleted it on here.... .... only just noticed that ...lol Its good ay ?
|
|
|
Post by angel2 on Aug 7, 2005 16:15:47 GMT
thats great kirkland , he he he it really made me laugh
|
|
littleangel
New Member
give someone a smile today
Posts: 338
|
Post by littleangel on Aug 11, 2005 21:15:49 GMT
that is so funny
|
|