Post by lozwinter on Aug 10, 2005 9:53:01 GMT
at this....
this site is comedy lmao
deadbrain.co.uk/news/article_2002_12_4_1140.php
EXCLUSIVE: Loch Ness Monster found dead in Ireland
4 Dec 2002 by Alex
DeadBrain can exclusively reveal that the Loch Ness Monster has been sensationally discovered in a state of morbid death in the grounds of Morton Hospital in Dublin.
"This is an astounding discovery," stated long time nessie-ologist and Dublin native Dr Gregory Mullet. "Naturally, having investigated the mystery of the monster for the last 40 years even though I have never been to Scotland, this is a very exciting discovery for me. What appears to be even more astounding is that the all our previous ideas concerning the nature of the monster all seem to have been very, very wrong.
"Many theories have been put forward over the years to explain this mystery, including that the monster is in fact one of a family of dinosaurs trapped in the loch by glacial forces many millennia ago. However now that we have the body of the monster itself available for autopsy, we can clearly see that is in fact a giraffe"
Dr Mullet proceeded to explain just how a giraffe could have lived for 40 years in a lake in Scotland, masquerading as a giant aquatic reptile, before travelling the 300-odd miles to Dublin in order to die next to a puddle of water outside of a psychiatric hospital.
"Well, first of all there's the photographic evidence," said Dr Mullet. "For a long time the so-called 'surgeon's photograph' taken in 1934 was the best evidence we had to support the sea monster myth. But I have discovered that if you examine the photograph very closely you can in fact make out the distinctive markings of the reticulated giraffe"
The 1934 "Surgeon's Photograph" of the, er, Loch Ness Giraffe
"And of course, although commonly to be found in the suburbs of Nairobi, reticulated giraffes are well known for their habit of migrating to Scotland a couple of times a year in order to fulfil their instinctive need to, you know, hang out and visit friends and maybe take in the festival and that.
"As for the cause of death, well the old girl had apparently not been seen in Scotland for a week or so and many thought that she had travelled south with a friend looking for warmer climes. However, giraffes live almost exclusively on a diet of Scotch pine leaves and live frogs. Due to the continued environmental disaster around the mouth of the Mersey, the supply of Mexican Salt Water Frogs dried up completely and Nessie was forced inland looking for food. Here in Dublin frogs are very common, but unfortunately do tend to get stuck in throats. And as I'm sure you can appreciate, when you have a neck as long as a giraffe a stuck frog can cause one hell of a lot of damage."
Dr Mullet went on to theorise that after feasting on a large number of Irish Throat Frogs, that the poor giraffe took one bite too many. "I think maybe she went a bit too far and managed to choke herself to death," explained the good doctor.
# In a completely unrelated story, the missing giraffe from Dublin zoo remains on the loose. "Jackie", named after the former football manager of the province, was last seen being taken for a nice relaxing trip around the Temple Bar district by Greg "Throttler" Mullet as part of his psychiatric rehabilitation. A small reward is being offered by the Garda for any information.
this site is comedy lmao
deadbrain.co.uk/news/article_2002_12_4_1140.php
EXCLUSIVE: Loch Ness Monster found dead in Ireland
4 Dec 2002 by Alex
DeadBrain can exclusively reveal that the Loch Ness Monster has been sensationally discovered in a state of morbid death in the grounds of Morton Hospital in Dublin.
"This is an astounding discovery," stated long time nessie-ologist and Dublin native Dr Gregory Mullet. "Naturally, having investigated the mystery of the monster for the last 40 years even though I have never been to Scotland, this is a very exciting discovery for me. What appears to be even more astounding is that the all our previous ideas concerning the nature of the monster all seem to have been very, very wrong.
"Many theories have been put forward over the years to explain this mystery, including that the monster is in fact one of a family of dinosaurs trapped in the loch by glacial forces many millennia ago. However now that we have the body of the monster itself available for autopsy, we can clearly see that is in fact a giraffe"
Dr Mullet proceeded to explain just how a giraffe could have lived for 40 years in a lake in Scotland, masquerading as a giant aquatic reptile, before travelling the 300-odd miles to Dublin in order to die next to a puddle of water outside of a psychiatric hospital.
"Well, first of all there's the photographic evidence," said Dr Mullet. "For a long time the so-called 'surgeon's photograph' taken in 1934 was the best evidence we had to support the sea monster myth. But I have discovered that if you examine the photograph very closely you can in fact make out the distinctive markings of the reticulated giraffe"
The 1934 "Surgeon's Photograph" of the, er, Loch Ness Giraffe
"And of course, although commonly to be found in the suburbs of Nairobi, reticulated giraffes are well known for their habit of migrating to Scotland a couple of times a year in order to fulfil their instinctive need to, you know, hang out and visit friends and maybe take in the festival and that.
"As for the cause of death, well the old girl had apparently not been seen in Scotland for a week or so and many thought that she had travelled south with a friend looking for warmer climes. However, giraffes live almost exclusively on a diet of Scotch pine leaves and live frogs. Due to the continued environmental disaster around the mouth of the Mersey, the supply of Mexican Salt Water Frogs dried up completely and Nessie was forced inland looking for food. Here in Dublin frogs are very common, but unfortunately do tend to get stuck in throats. And as I'm sure you can appreciate, when you have a neck as long as a giraffe a stuck frog can cause one hell of a lot of damage."
Dr Mullet went on to theorise that after feasting on a large number of Irish Throat Frogs, that the poor giraffe took one bite too many. "I think maybe she went a bit too far and managed to choke herself to death," explained the good doctor.
# In a completely unrelated story, the missing giraffe from Dublin zoo remains on the loose. "Jackie", named after the former football manager of the province, was last seen being taken for a nice relaxing trip around the Temple Bar district by Greg "Throttler" Mullet as part of his psychiatric rehabilitation. A small reward is being offered by the Garda for any information.