Post by Melz on Dec 7, 2005 11:28:34 GMT
TROUBLE SHOOTING AT XMAS PARTIES
SYMPTOM - FAULT - ACTION
Feet cold and wet - Glass being held at incorrect angle - Rotate glass so that open end points towards ceiling
Feet warm and wet - Improper bladder control - Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training
Drink unusually pale and tasteless - Glass empty - Get someone to buy you another drink
Opposite wall covered in fluorescent lights - You have fallen over backward - Have yourself leashed to bar
Mouth contains cigarette butts - You have fallen forward - See above
Alcohol tasteless, front of your shirt is wet - Mouth not open or glass applied to wrong part of face - Retire to restroom and practice in the mirror
Floor blurred - You are looking through the bottom of empty glass - Get someone to buy you another drink
Floor moving - You are being carried out - Find out if you are being taken to another bar
Room is ususually dark - Bar has closed - Confirm home address with bartender
Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures - Alcohol consumption has exceeded personal limitations - Cover mouth
Everyone looks up to you and smiles - You are dancing on the table - Fall on someone cushy looking
Drink is crystal clear - Its water. Someone is trying to sober you up - Punch him
Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear - You have been in a fight - Apologise to everyone you see just in case it was them
Don’t recognise anyone, don’t recognise the room your in - You’ve wandered into the wrong party - See if they have free alcohol
Your singing sounds distorted - The drink is too weak - Have more alcohol until your voice improves
Don’t remember the words to the song - Drink is just right - Play air guitar
SYMPTOM - FAULT - ACTION
Feet cold and wet - Glass being held at incorrect angle - Rotate glass so that open end points towards ceiling
Feet warm and wet - Improper bladder control - Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training
Drink unusually pale and tasteless - Glass empty - Get someone to buy you another drink
Opposite wall covered in fluorescent lights - You have fallen over backward - Have yourself leashed to bar
Mouth contains cigarette butts - You have fallen forward - See above
Alcohol tasteless, front of your shirt is wet - Mouth not open or glass applied to wrong part of face - Retire to restroom and practice in the mirror
Floor blurred - You are looking through the bottom of empty glass - Get someone to buy you another drink
Floor moving - You are being carried out - Find out if you are being taken to another bar
Room is ususually dark - Bar has closed - Confirm home address with bartender
Taxi suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures - Alcohol consumption has exceeded personal limitations - Cover mouth
Everyone looks up to you and smiles - You are dancing on the table - Fall on someone cushy looking
Drink is crystal clear - Its water. Someone is trying to sober you up - Punch him
Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear - You have been in a fight - Apologise to everyone you see just in case it was them
Don’t recognise anyone, don’t recognise the room your in - You’ve wandered into the wrong party - See if they have free alcohol
Your singing sounds distorted - The drink is too weak - Have more alcohol until your voice improves
Don’t remember the words to the song - Drink is just right - Play air guitar