Post by Bex *Crop Circles In The Sun* on Jan 4, 2006 20:16:52 GMT
It wasnt easy, let me say,
I didn't mean it for things.
To turn out like this, so cold,
Didn't want to be left like this.
Didn't want to be drunk each night,
just to help me forget my fears.
I didn't want you to check me,
as if you have to babysit and mother.
I didn't want you to keep lying to me,
I didn't want you to worry about this.
I admit defeat,
I say goodbye.
I admit defeat,
And I won't cry.
It wasn't easy to let go,
It wasn't easy to screw you up.
I didn't want you to hate me,
I didn't think it could end like.
This, with a cold blanket over us,
Keeping secrets from you as I fell.
Deeper and deeper into my deception,
As I drunk more and more, bled more.
I didn't want you to think you had,
to take intensive care of my every move.
I admit defeat,
No longer screaming.
I admit defeat,
No tears streaming.
Used to be that I was too scared,
to do a step wrong but couldn't help.
But take an unnatural turn for the worst,
Triggered by all around me as i couldn't swim.
Swirling in an over powering tide, falling under,
Took me a while to find my way to keep my head above.
Crying for him every night didn't help, neither did count.
Couldnt ease anxiety no matter what was tried, I was lost.
When I found myself, I found a strange kind of clarity,
But it was then it all became too clear for comfort.
I admit defeat,
No pain.
I admit defeat,
Won't do it all again.
It became too clear that maybe I'm not ok,
that maybe I really do have something.
To be ashamed of, to be scared of, to fear,
Maybe the prospect of being possibly insane.
I didn't want to hurt you,
But this is something.
That I must certainly do,
I'm sorry for my deception.
I didn't mean it for things.
To turn out like this, so cold,
Didn't want to be left like this.
Didn't want to be drunk each night,
just to help me forget my fears.
I didn't want you to check me,
as if you have to babysit and mother.
I didn't want you to keep lying to me,
I didn't want you to worry about this.
I admit defeat,
I say goodbye.
I admit defeat,
And I won't cry.
It wasn't easy to let go,
It wasn't easy to screw you up.
I didn't want you to hate me,
I didn't think it could end like.
This, with a cold blanket over us,
Keeping secrets from you as I fell.
Deeper and deeper into my deception,
As I drunk more and more, bled more.
I didn't want you to think you had,
to take intensive care of my every move.
I admit defeat,
No longer screaming.
I admit defeat,
No tears streaming.
Used to be that I was too scared,
to do a step wrong but couldn't help.
But take an unnatural turn for the worst,
Triggered by all around me as i couldn't swim.
Swirling in an over powering tide, falling under,
Took me a while to find my way to keep my head above.
Crying for him every night didn't help, neither did count.
Couldnt ease anxiety no matter what was tried, I was lost.
When I found myself, I found a strange kind of clarity,
But it was then it all became too clear for comfort.
I admit defeat,
No pain.
I admit defeat,
Won't do it all again.
It became too clear that maybe I'm not ok,
that maybe I really do have something.
To be ashamed of, to be scared of, to fear,
Maybe the prospect of being possibly insane.
I didn't want to hurt you,
But this is something.
That I must certainly do,
I'm sorry for my deception.