Post by lozwinter on Jun 29, 2005 19:00:21 GMT
A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago: Do not activate with wet hands.
At a car dealership: The best way to get back on your feet? Miss a car payment.
At A Laundry Shop: How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?
At a number of US military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.
At a pizza shop: 7 days without pizza makes one weak.
At a Towing Company: We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.
At a Used Car Lot: Second Hand cars in first crash condition.
At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
At the electric company: We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be.
At the entrance of the large machinery plant: Warning to young ladies: If you wear loose clothes, beware of the machinery. If you wear tight clothes, beware of the machinist.
Billboard on the side of the road: Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.
Door of a plastic surgeon’s office: Hello. May we pick your nose?
English Sign in German Cafe: Mothers, Please Wash Your Hands Before Eating.
In a Beauty Shop: Dye now!
In a cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat any place they want.
In a cleaner’s window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
In a dentist office: Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.
In a department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs.
In a farmer’s field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but be aware that the bull charges.
In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
In a health food shop window: Closed due to illness.
In a hotel during a conference: For anyone who has children and doesn’t know it, there is day care on the first floor.
In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
In a Maine restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends.
In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
In a non-smoking area: If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
In a restaurant window: Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.
In a safari park: Elephants please stay in your car
In a toilet: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
In an office building washroom: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
In an office: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken.
In front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car.
In the front yard of a funeral home: Drive carefully. We’ll wait.
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.
In the window of an Oregon general store: Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?
Inside a bowling alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.
Maternity Clothes Shop: We are open on Labor Day.
Message on a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
On a church door: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance)
On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
On an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts.
On an established New Mexico dry cleaning store: Thirty-eight years on the same spot.
Outside a Hotel: Help! We need inn-experienced people.
Outside a muffler shop: No appointment necessary. We heard you coming.
Plumber: We repair what your husband Fixed.
Quicksand warning: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.
Seen during a conference: For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor.
Sign at the psychic's Hotline: Don't call us, we'll call you.
At a car dealership: The best way to get back on your feet? Miss a car payment.
At A Laundry Shop: How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?
At a number of US military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.
At a pizza shop: 7 days without pizza makes one weak.
At a Towing Company: We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.
At a Used Car Lot: Second Hand cars in first crash condition.
At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
At the electric company: We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be.
At the entrance of the large machinery plant: Warning to young ladies: If you wear loose clothes, beware of the machinery. If you wear tight clothes, beware of the machinist.
Billboard on the side of the road: Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.
Door of a plastic surgeon’s office: Hello. May we pick your nose?
English Sign in German Cafe: Mothers, Please Wash Your Hands Before Eating.
In a Beauty Shop: Dye now!
In a cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat any place they want.
In a cleaner’s window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
In a dentist office: Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.
In a department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs.
In a farmer’s field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but be aware that the bull charges.
In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
In a health food shop window: Closed due to illness.
In a hotel during a conference: For anyone who has children and doesn’t know it, there is day care on the first floor.
In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
In a Maine restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends.
In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
In a non-smoking area: If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
In a restaurant window: Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.
In a safari park: Elephants please stay in your car
In a toilet: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
In an office building washroom: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
In an office: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken.
In front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car.
In the front yard of a funeral home: Drive carefully. We’ll wait.
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.
In the window of an Oregon general store: Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?
Inside a bowling alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.
Maternity Clothes Shop: We are open on Labor Day.
Message on a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
On a church door: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance)
On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
On an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts.
On an established New Mexico dry cleaning store: Thirty-eight years on the same spot.
Outside a Hotel: Help! We need inn-experienced people.
Outside a muffler shop: No appointment necessary. We heard you coming.
Plumber: We repair what your husband Fixed.
Quicksand warning: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.
Seen during a conference: For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor.
Sign at the psychic's Hotline: Don't call us, we'll call you.